Maps are what we use to navigate a territory.  Whether you use modern day maps that can be used at the touch of a button or old school paper maps, you are familiar with the concept.  However, we must keep in mind that the maps are not the terrain.  I am sure you have heard of stories, or experienced this yourself, where someone got lost or ended up in a swamp because the map was not accurate. 

In life, and certainly in relationships, we use mental maps to guide us in making decisions.  An example I like to use is a child who touches a hot stove.  After that experience, a person will mark that territory as painful on their mental map, knowing not to go there again.  This applies to relationships as well.  Most of us have had our feelings hurt (or worse) by other people in our lives. The worst of these hurts have come from people we have trusted.   Now we have spots on our maps that we will not venture into.  But keep in mind the map is not the terrain.  What if we were able to look at the actual terrain and reassess?  To do this takes a tremendous amount of courage and resolve.   We have been hurt there before, right? Many of us look at that mountain, wilderness or desert and think “I am not going in there, it looks dangerous, and I don’t know the way.”  But what if you had a guide? 

When two people are sharing life together, you both have different maps.  Thier territory may be the same, but you see it differently.  It should not surprise you to understand your parent's maps were not accurate.  Yet we learned primary relationship behavior through them.  You bring their maps to your relationships.  Have you ever felt agitated when someone you were in a relationship with tried to cross some territory you had marked as dangerous on your map?  We trust our maps.  They have served us well.  But again, the map is not the terrain.  What if you had a cartographer (a map maker) to help you map your terrain? 

I believe we are all uniquely equipped to be able to traverse the obstacles life puts in our way.  Whether it is the mountain, wilderness or desert.  Sometimes it is helpful to have a sherpa, a ranger or a guide.  We can redraw our maps to better reflect the terrain, but an experienced map maker can help speed up that process.  As a relationship coach, my goal is to help others by providing perspective, compassion, understanding and, ultimately, an alternative way of looking at our maps and how they relate to our lives and relationships.  I will help you build skills to improve trust and communication in your relationships by getting to know your maps and then through exercises (I am a coach, you knew there would be exercise, right?) that will help immediately once you understand them.   

If you are looking to build better relationships and feel more confident about your ability to maintain them, please email me @ paulr@uniquelyequippedcoaching.com.  We will set up an initial call to determine what your goals are and if I am the right person to help you meet them.